Like the thread title says I had too much time on my hands so I made an AutoHotkey script.

SetKeyDelay 0, 70

masturbate := false

*3::
{
global masturbate
if (masturbate := !masturbate)
{
Send "p"
Sleep 1000
Send "1"
}
else
{
Send "1"
Sleep 1000
Send "p"
}
}

Notes:
Only works when ...